When There's No Peace on Earth

In the wake of the events in Newtown, Connecticut and other recent incidents of violence, many of us (therapists included) find ourselves at a loss on how to promote a sense of safety and security within our children.  We see the effects of exposure on them to the repeated televised scenes of trauma, death, and injury, let alone the intense grief reactions displayed by all. Sometimes the effects do not show up immediately as children often process these events in their minds based on their own limited life experience or level of understanding. It may even take a while before they can verbally express their own beliefs about what they believed happened and what it means to them.
 
In particular, young preschool and school-aged children, who lack the cognitive understanding of the finality of life, may be thrust into new experiences that defy their own view of the world.  Thus, they may exhibit intense fearfulness, separation anxiety, or regression to earlier behaviors, or they may become agitated and aggressive in an attempt to push away their fears. Older children, who have already grasped the concept of death and dying, may respond with deep denial or a numbing of their feelings, as they wonder about their own safety or mortality.  Finally, adolescents may tend to abstract the experience in their minds and take on an existential view of a fore-shortened life which ultimately has no meaning. In any case, youth can vicariously experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder without having to be the actual victims of the violence.
 
In their book, The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog, Dr. Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz (2006) described what they learned about children’s large-scale response to trauma following the 1993 Waco incident in Texas:

“. . . research has demonstrated that rushing to ‘debrief’ people with a new therapist or counselor after a traumatic event is often intrusive, unwanted, and may actually be counterproductive. In some of our own work we’ve found that the most effective interventions involve educating and supporting the existing social support network, particularly the family, about the known and predictable effects of acute trauma and offering access to more therapeutic support if – and only if – the family sees extreme or prolonged post-traumatic symptoms.  I thought these children needed the opportunity to process what had happened at their own pace and in their own ways . . . We wanted to offer structure, but not rigidity; nurturance, but not forced affection” (pps. 70-71).

Because the human brain is wonderfully designed to take in information, sort out discrepancies or contradictions to everyday occurrences, and process new data, we have built-in mechanisms that attempt to metabolize even the most extreme types of experiences.  However, intense, frightening experiences have a tendency to short-circuit this process and throw children into a “fight or flight” mode. So how can we support our children through this stressful season which was meant to be joyous and cheerful?  Here are some pointers:

1.     Parents and caregivers should maintain good, predictable routines and structure, with less isolated down time and more nurturing together time, especially over the holidays.

2.     Parents and caregivers should limit the amount of unsupervised exposure children have to continuous televised coverage of tragedies.  Rather than helping the developing child process events in a healthy way, they have a tendency to shut down or become numb with over-exposure.

3.     Parents and caregivers should reassure their children that they will keep them safe, yet at the same time set up routine exercises for dangerous situations that may present themselves, for example, home evacuation drills, stranger resistance skills, and just being aware of one’s surroundings.

4.     Parents and caregivers should encourage compassion and empathy-building skills to help children understand that real people suffer negative life events, but others can show caring and concern.  An example could be sending a holiday / get well drawing to the children of Sandy Hook Elementary School or sponsoring a needy family.

 

5.     Finally, if you notice that your child is continuing to be anxious or worried, sad or hopeless, or agitated or aggressive, you should seek professional help.

On the bright side, research supports the fact that parents or primary caregivers truly establish the first environment for the development of security, safety, and nurturance in the child. The school soon becomes the next layer, and the community the next.  When these domains work together in harmony, children continue to build their protective factors (kind of like one’s emotional immune system), and can progress forward towards success across many domains.  Studies show that those communities who share the belief that all children and youth are their children, and who are willing to intervene towards the common good, demonstrate lower levels of violence than communities who share similar demographics (Sampson et al, 1997).  I can assure you that the Newtown community will urgently re-invest in the lives of all its young people, in as many ways as possible.  Shouldn’t we be doing the same for our kids?

Happy Holidays!